Take me out to the ballgame

I’m a loser! A great big giant loser. Well, actually, it’s not just me. I’m joined by eight other losers whom I work with—and who graced my softball team. And according to my handy dictionary widget, a loser is “a person or group of people that loses or has lost something, or a person who accepts defeat.”

Well, in that case, myself and my fellow PUNCH softball team (brilliantly named the RV-A’s) have lost big time. We lost the softball game. We lost our dignity. We may have even lost our minds to attempt as many innings as we did. But allow me to back it up a bit.

On September 30, PUNCH held its very first company softball game. It was indeed a highly anticipated meet. The stakes were high…as was the pre-game trash talk. The contenders? Introducing the (aforementioned) RV-A’s vs. the Orange Sox. Ooooh aaaaah!

PUNCH has a long history of throwing fantastic sporting events, all for the sake of good morale. Tennis, soccer, field day, dodgeball. Well, this was our first softball game, and let me tell you…apparently you have to know what you’re doing in order to NOT be a loser. In hindsight, that’s good to know.

The game lasted, gosh I don’t know…four innings maybe? Before the RV-A’s pretty much gave up on life and decided to just curl up in the outfield and let the buzzards pick on our carrion. I think we even stopped keeping score. It was something like 33–6. No seriously. I’m not joking. It was pretty much the worst defeat in the history of losing.

But don’t allow me to ruin this idyllic scene for you. It wasn’t all bad times. The weather was cool, the sun was out. We had Mr. Ken Gibson manning the grill, and a few of us baddies even managed to sneak some brews into the game. Actually, maybe that’s what I was doing wrong, focusing more on drinking than on playing. Yes, surely that must be the cause.

All in all though, the event was entirely successful. Good spirits all around. Minimal injuries well, except for Jill, who I piledrove trying to get to first base. Oh, yes, then there’s Donna, who Dave crashed into somehow while she was trying to get to base. Wait, he was our pitcher. What was he doing over near the bases? Oh yeah, I also threw a ball at Donna by accident. Turns out dodgeball rules don’t apply, and hitting someone isn’t an “out.” And how can we forget my fellow RV-A teammate who suffered the most injuries? Sorry Rachael, but getting slammed four times by a ball is not doing it right! Also, sorry about your black eye and having to go to the doctor. No worries though, I’m sure you’ll look quasi-normal again in a couple weeks.

So what happens to a team when they’re losers? Well, if this were ancient Rome, the losers would likely get mauled to death by lions (if they were lucky). If it were ancient Japan, we’d most likely have to commit seppuku (thus literally running ourselves through with our own swords) rather than concede to defeat by the enemy. Fortunately, in this day and age, and in our company, the losers are treated much akin to the winners. At the end of the game, our boss, Charlie, rallied us all together, told us how we had a great day and are doing a great job, and gave us some of his usual “mesmerizing” words of encouragement. Nice speech, Charlie!

I guess in the end, winning is still better than losing, but losing here at PUNCH isn’t such a bad thing either. We had a successful event, got some fresh air, had tons of laughs, worked out some aggression, and snagged some burgers and brews in the process. So I suppose after it’s all said and done…that’s sort of like winning, isn’t it?